In Search of How to Change my Life’s Direction

SO I’m listening to various motivational / inspirational speeches, watching the videos, reading books, and one thing they have in common is getting up earlier. Ok, I’m fine with that, it makes sense. But at 51 years old, my body and/or mind don’t operate effectively when I’m sleep deprived. So I have to wonder if this is something that can be done by guys my age. How much sleep does Will Smith, Tony Robbins, Dwayne Johnson, Benjamin Hardy, Richard Branson, etc get? If it is less than 8 hours per night, how do they do it? How do they not just crash and burn? Is it because they aren’t spending the vast majority of their day doing a job that is entirely devoid of satisfaction?

It isn’t nutrition because I am game on in that department. (Oh that reminds me, I need to post my last labs.) Do they just get better sleep than me? Is it because they have quality down time when they are awake? WTH?

There is a price you pay for constantly seeking comfort. Stop avoiding discomfort. I guess they key/trick is to cycle it. Do the lack of sleep and exhaustion and fatigue, but have a reprieve already scheduled in before you start. I can do anything for a time, as long as I know there is an end to the misery. Think about climbing Brush Heap Mount, it was brutal but I could do it because I knew the top was up there somewhere and we would stop when we got there. It wasn’t a moving target, it was where it was period.

“Live your life like you’re the hero of your own movie. In good movies the hero must always overcome hardship. Imagine your movie is starting right now, and you are at the part of the movie where you are a shitbag loser. This is the point where you begin fighting, begin breaking out and becoming the hero, the champion, whatever. Imagine a documentary crew following you around documenting the struggle you go through in order to rise up. If you were watching this movie, and the hero was exactly where you are right now, sitting in this f*ing cube at this f*ing desk with his brain shutting down, bored and ungratified, what would he do? Write out his part, what would he do?

11/13/2018 Tuesday

So how does one go about figuring out what you want to do if all you really know is that you hate what you are currently doing? How do you know if it is what you do or just your current job that you hate? In other words, would I be more content doing this if it were somewhere else, if the expectations were more realistic? My real issue isn’t the insane expectations, it’s that as more and more is being dumped in my lap, the compensation isn’t reflecting that. My workload has increased by 25% in the last 2 months, and nobody gets more than a 2% raise at this company (assuming I’m even here for it). The advice to “be the hardest worker in the room, don’t let anyone outwork you” assumes there will be some kind of benefit or payoff. All it gets you here is more work.

“In this life of ours, exhausted and disallusioned by the drip-drip-drip of everyday existence, Outlaws become folk heroes as established social structures lose the trust of the people who live inside them.”

Have a Great Thanksgiving!

Believe it or not, I actually do realize all the many things I have to be thankfull for. I just have this one area of my life that is utterly unfulfilling. But hey, it pays the bills (for now).


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