Revisiting My Why

01/04/2019 Friday

Once sanity returned I reminded myself that the whole Prison Cube Workout was never intended to make me a fitness model or a crossfit athlete. It was to prevent the inevitable that occurs with the overly sedentary cube life. This was more about how you can stay (more) healthy and mobile, reduce the risk of heart attacks, and get people thinking more about holding companies that promote “a culture of health” accountable. I.E. the more people doing it, the greater the voice in favor of it, and therefore the greater the movement (HA! No pun intended), and the less power the slave drivers have to keep them from leaving their chair or working out for lunch for fear of being fired. We are always made to feel as if we aren’t working hard enough, no matter how hard you actually do work.

I had to remind myself that my movement rebellion began to seriously take shape once I started reading about things like “Sitting is the new Smoking”, and “Standing is the New Sitting”, reading how research is showing just 2 minutes of exercise every 30 minutes can stave off and even reverse so many issue of sedentariness. So that was my initial purpose, just to give myself hope and perhaps even attract others to the cause. Let the corporate overlords know that we may be shackled to our cubes, sacrificing our hobbies and home life – but we aren’t going down without a fight. We don’t have to sacrifice our health any longer, we can fight off the ravages of sedentariness even if we are chained to our monitors. Then as the movement grows, people may demand options to address the other areas of life that are being place on the corporate alter for sacrifice.

I don’t suppose any of this really addresses why I am so compelled to get in really good shape. I thought about it more over the weekend, and while I was afraid my true underlying purpose was pure vanity (just so I could have a great body because I want to look hot), it turns out that’s not the case. I thought it through, and I am just as motivated – more so even – by watching videos of people working out hard as I am people with great aesthetics. I realized that I am not willing to sacrifice performance or function for aesthetics, but at the same time I don’t want to sacrifice aesthetics for performance. I want a balance of the two. I realize that means I will never achieve an elite level of other, but who cares? I have no delusions of being a pro in either arena.

1/10/2019 Thursday

I believe I have come up with at least one of the answers to “why?”. It is because I want success being the norm, I want to rise above the mundane, I want to see just how much I can achieve, and this is something I have almost complete control over. I don’t hae to depend on anyone else to achieve it, and I am not at the mercy of others – with the exception of my current situation and the demands placed on my time.

Have a Great Day!


Still Not Sure Why

01/0/2019 Thursday

One thing I know for sure is, I want to exercise. I want to be healthy, I want to be in shape. I am sitting here completely overwhelmed with the amount of work that needs to be done this month, particularly the next 14 days, and I am struggling to justify doing any training. I am resentful. I have reached a point where there are some days that a little 3 minute blip isn’t going to be enough. I have made good progress, I feel stronger, and I can feel my muscles starting to grow. I can also feel that I need to do more warmup in order to do the push I need to keep progressing. That’s the thing, if I just wanted to stay fit and mobile, then I could do a little something throughout the day, which was the original intent. But I want more! I may not know why, but dang I want to push myself. I want to walk the stairs because I’ll be backpacking in Oklahoma the last weekend of this month, and I want to be better prepared than I have been on previous excursions. I want to get to the point that I can realistically do the Rim to Rim. I want to continue feeling strong like I do right now, or even stronger.

Maybe I just want to train so badly right now because I hate what I do? I mean, I am looking at a potentially insurmountable mountain of work. And there is no reward for putting all of the overtime it is going to take to get it accomplished. Hell, I still may not even have a job next month, forget about being recognized for the effort. Or compensated for sacrificing my home life for it.

No, I don’t think it’s that. I’ve had some good recovery downtime and I can feel it in my muscles that they will be growing soon. They are tight, and get the pumped effect with minimal effort. It feels so good to be there. So why not just do the prison cube maintenance during the day and then get in intense workouts when I’m at home? Because the workload takes everything out of me both mentally and physically. I don’t even have the mental resolve to do my dinner dishes after work. I just want to go to bed after dinner. Plus I’m required to spend so much of my day here, there isn’t enough actual time away from prison to do it. Also, now that I am 52, I don’t have the same energy I had at 30 (shocker right?). So trying to get in better shape while trying to have a life working all these hours just isn’t feasible, I have to sacrifice something. My 30 year old coworker has no problem working late every night and then making time for his hobbies in his off time. He requires less sleep, rest and recovery than I do. I don’t want to sacrifice something just so work can get even more of me than it currently gets. It already gets too much, and now it is demanding even more. No, just no.

OK, end rant. I am not a victim here, I need to start practicing my internal locus of control. What is the solution? Spread it out. Go ahead and continue with the just move stuff throughout the day, but at some point (maybe when the warden goes to get lunch) do something hardcore. Instead of the Pushup app just do pushups to failure, maybe do it twice with a 1 minute rest. Then the rest of the day just drop and do a quick 10. Triceps are easy, updog triceps extensions are very challenging so they don’t take long to reach failure. So really the real challenge are the Pushup and Squat apps, and stair training. I can fry my shoulders in 5 minutes doing handstand pushups, I can do squats to failure. I just need to have one muscle group that is the target, make sure I hit that one with max intensity once or twice, then supplement with cubicle movements, plus add variety for the other groups like hamstrings, glutes, calves, or whatever that aren’t the target focus over the course of the entire day. Not ideal, but workable. Not the best tasting lemonade, but it beats the hell out of straight lemons.

Have a Great Day!


Why Did I Set The Training Goals I Did?

01/02/2019 Wednesday

I am lacking motivation sitting here back in my cell, back on lockdown. I am looking at some motivation, and it is working, but to seriously push through, and stay focused, I think I need to be clear on my purpose. Why am I training (or wanting to train) so intensely? I’m likely never going to be in a competitive sport again, certainly not a crossfit type sport anyway. So why train SO hard?

I know initially it was to get a really great aesthetic going on, but why get great aesthetics? Why not just really good? If I’m honest, it is partly because I have this belief that it will increase my odds/success of attracting a really pretty girl. But What if great aesthetics aren’t necessary? What if where I am right now is all I need, then what is my purpose? Then why am I wanting to train so hard? To be honest, I’m not sure. I met a really, really cute girl over the weekend and she is definitely giving me signals that she is interested. I’m pretty sure I’ve put on a good 3% body fat over the break too. So in reality I could just maintain where I am or get back to where I was 2 weeks ago and still have a shot. If my reason is for the purpose if meeting a pretty girl, and I’ve already done that, that motivation could fail me at any time in the future. Would I care then? I think I would, I think I would be disappointed in myself.

Is it because I want to get involved in the fitness industry? Maybe, at least before my 2 week furlough I thought so. Do I really want to be a spokesperson/poster child for a supplement company? Maybe. It does sound appealing. I think if I am truly honest, it’s for a rather vain reason: I just want to have a hot body. But Why??? If hot body = new career, then that is good motivation. But is merely liking what I see in the mirror enough to get me through the miserable times of not wanting to train, or taking an extended break, or training when I’m starving or cold, or being weak in my nutrition?

Maybe there is more to it that just wanting to be hot though (although, that is part of it). I really do want to be strong to be helpful. When I watch the crossfit videos, I’m not being impressed or inspired by how good they look (although sometimes I do use that angle to get motivated), I am impressed by their effort, their drive, and their ability. The competitiveness of the competition. So that must be part of it too.

Whatever the reason, I need to answer that question and remind myself of that every time I need to get motivated. That coupled with the inspirational/motivational videos will take me much further in achieving my goal and sticking to the plan. So it comes down to answering the question. Not having that answer is really the biggest obstacle standing in my way. Mat Frazier has the goal of winning the Crossfit games, and he holds that in front of himself constantly. He can say to himself “if I don’t do this today, I won’t win the title”.

Maybe it is just the challenge, can I do it? But if that is the case, that is not a big enough “why” to get me through the really tough times, nor is it enough to push me to the point of puking every time, it isn’t enough motivation to get me to my goals. I need a bigger “why”.

If I train hard, then I will be …

more mobile, more functionally fit, less injury prone, able to move better and with less pain, able to backpack further, able to push myself harder, able to impress people with my abilities, one of the fittest people my age.

I am a warrior, but I don’t look like one nor can I move like one (yet).

I want to be physically better than average. I think that’s the competitor in me.

Is it because I want to feel superior? Yikes, I hope that’s not it!

Is it because I want to feel special? Is that my way of being unique/significant?

Is it because I want recognition?

I want to be in great physical shape. What does that mean? And why?

I want to be able to defend myself/survive a fight

I want to be able to protect people I care about

I want to be able to get myself or others out of a dangerous situation

Have a Great Day!