01/02/2019 Wednesday

I am lacking motivation sitting here back in my cell, back on lockdown. I am looking at some motivation, and it is working, but to seriously push through, and stay focused, I think I need to be clear on my purpose. Why am I training (or wanting to train) so intensely? I’m likely never going to be in a competitive sport again, certainly not a crossfit type sport anyway. So why train SO hard?

I know initially it was to get a really great aesthetic going on, but why get great aesthetics? Why not just really good? If I’m honest, it is partly because I have this belief that it will increase my odds/success of attracting a really pretty girl. But What if great aesthetics aren’t necessary? What if where I am right now is all I need, then what is my purpose? Then why am I wanting to train so hard? To be honest, I’m not sure. I met a really, really cute girl over the weekend and she is definitely giving me signals that she is interested. I’m pretty sure I’ve put on a good 3% body fat over the break too. So in reality I could just maintain where I am or get back to where I was 2 weeks ago and still have a shot. If my reason is for the purpose if meeting a pretty girl, and I’ve already done that, that motivation could fail me at any time in the future. Would I care then? I think I would, I think I would be disappointed in myself.

Is it because I want to get involved in the fitness industry? Maybe, at least before my 2 week furlough I thought so. Do I really want to be a spokesperson/poster child for a supplement company? Maybe. It does sound appealing. I think if I am truly honest, it’s for a rather vain reason: I just want to have a hot body. But Why??? If hot body = new career, then that is good motivation. But is merely liking what I see in the mirror enough to get me through the miserable times of not wanting to train, or taking an extended break, or training when I’m starving or cold, or being weak in my nutrition?

Maybe there is more to it that just wanting to be hot though (although, that is part of it). I really do want to be strong to be helpful. When I watch the crossfit videos, I’m not being impressed or inspired by how good they look (although sometimes I do use that angle to get motivated), I am impressed by their effort, their drive, and their ability. The competitiveness of the competition. So that must be part of it too.

Whatever the reason, I need to answer that question and remind myself of that every time I need to get motivated. That coupled with the inspirational/motivational videos will take me much further in achieving my goal and sticking to the plan. So it comes down to answering the question. Not having that answer is really the biggest obstacle standing in my way. Mat Frazier has the goal of winning the Crossfit games, and he holds that in front of himself constantly. He can say to himself “if I don’t do this today, I won’t win the title”.

Maybe it is just the challenge, can I do it? But if that is the case, that is not a big enough “why” to get me through the really tough times, nor is it enough to push me to the point of puking every time, it isn’t enough motivation to get me to my goals. I need a bigger “why”.

If I train hard, then I will be …

more mobile, more functionally fit, less injury prone, able to move better and with less pain, able to backpack further, able to push myself harder, able to impress people with my abilities, one of the fittest people my age.

I am a warrior, but I don’t look like one nor can I move like one (yet).

I want to be physically better than average. I think that’s the competitor in me.

Is it because I want to feel superior? Yikes, I hope that’s not it!

Is it because I want to feel special? Is that my way of being unique/significant?

Is it because I want recognition?

I want to be in great physical shape. What does that mean? And why?

I want to be able to defend myself/survive a fight

I want to be able to protect people I care about

I want to be able to get myself or others out of a dangerous situation

Have a Great Day!

Lubimûr